January Is Stalking Awareness Month

Stalking is a very dangerous crime. Every January since 2004, communities across the U.S. and Canada have come together to raise awareness for stalking.

Some will just disregard this post, as they have never been a victim of stalking, but please be educated so it can be stopped.  Education is the key.

Please stop by http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org  to read the facts, and take their awareness quiz.

This is a fabulous site to educate and create awareness.

Be safe, and be aware.

Happy New Year 2012

Just wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year !!!!

Maria

Your Controlling Me?

No one likes a controlling person.  But in an abusive relationship, this is a big redflag, and a dangerous sign.  Abusers will try and control you, they will try and control everyone.  I feel that people who try to control, usually lack self confildence.  However, when someone with an abusive personality looses their control....bad things happen.....yelling, violence, and lots of rage.

During my abusive marriage, I experienced.....his fist through the wall, throwing items across the room, usually large items.  Threats...all the time, how many times did he threaten to jump out of a moving car???  I have seen my steering wheel of the car, being so bent out shape....it was impossible to drive the car.  Threats of cutting me up into tiny pieces, and mailing me home to my family.

In my particular case, controlling stated out subtle, and then snowballed.  It got to the extent I couldnt go to church, I wasn't allowed to go get groceries (unless I left my daughter at home), he knew I wouldnt leave withour her.

Rage is scary, like someone all of a sudden flipped a switch...and for no apparent reason that I could see.  He would wake up in the middle of the night, and then wake up myself and my daughter.  We would sit on the couch.....????  He would unplug all the phones.....oh his mind was on over-drive, not sure what was going through his head.  We would sit for hours, and he would be in the kichen, doing...not sure what he was doing.

I feared for my life so many times...threats, violence, rage...very sad, but I got out. Had to sneak out of course.  It was hard to plan, but I had to keep my daughter and I safe till the time was right.  Its a very dangerous time leaving, and also after you leave.

Do these abusers change???  Maybe...for a little bit...but I think they will go back to old ways. I think stats say 3% of abusers will change.

So glad to be out of such an unhealtly relationship....things take time.

Be safe, have a safety plan, and get help.  There are many shelters, legal advoctes, and  other resoources out there that are there for you.

ShelterNet's Healthy Relationship IQ Test for Teens

I love the website http://shelternet.ca  Its so helpful, and has great resources for victims of domestic violence.  I found this IQ test for teens about healthy relationships.

What’s my Healthy Relationship IQ?

Give yourself a point for each sentence that describes the relationship you are in now. If you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend right now, think about if these sentences describe what you would want in a relationship.

1. We both decide how we're going to spend time together as a couple; no one is "in charge."
   
2. We still find time for our own activities, apart from each other.
   
3. My boyfriend or girlfriend is there for me in the good times and the bad.
   
4. It's okay to disagree with each other; we can talk about our differences and look for "win-win" solutions.
   
5. We're comfortable about taking time away from each other, to spend with our own friends and family.
   
6. We're not afraid to say how we feel about things.
   
7. We don't worry about what will happen if the other person gets angry.
   
8. We respect each other's limits, and don't pressure each other to go beyond those limits.
   
9. Neither of us restricts or controls the other.
   
10. We've taken time to become sexually intimate, and we're able to be honest about our feelings in this part of our relationship.

If you've scored 8-10, congratulations on having such a high healthy relationship IQ! Less than 8? Maybe it's time for some honest talk with your boyfriend/girlfriend about the times in your relationship that you feel restricted or controlled, or unable to be yourself. Less than 5? You deserve better.  There are people you can talk  to if you need help figuring out what to do about the relationship you are in.

© Shelternet for Abused Women 2009

Its an Education

I have learned so much about abusive personalities.  As a survivor of domestic violence, I have participated in many support groups and counselling to educated myself, and really recongnise those "red flags".
I guess I was basically sheltered from all the bad in world, and never knew anything about abusive personalities.  In my world everyone was so loving and supportive...I never knew the darker side of life.

I started this site to help others and educate them. I feel you can never stop learning, to help yourself and others. 

I love interacting with others, and sharing my experiences from the past to help any way I can. I think at some point when you are in a violent relationship, you will question yourself, and really wonder if you are really going through all this.  It seems like a bad dream.    Awareness will really help you understand what happens in an abusive relationship, and ways you can safely leave.

Thanks for stopping by.