Orders Of Protection

Have you ever had to get an order of protection?

Its not a great experience, at the time, but well worth it.  I will never forget standing up in court, in front of a bunch of people, explaining the incidences, on why I needed this protection.  People are in court for so many reasons, and most don't understand Domestic Violence.  They listen with amazement.

I got my order of protection, and I was relieved.  I didn't have to deal to my ex-husband.  I was lucky enough to have delt with a legal advocate, who would drop my daughter off for visitation.

When I actually went back to court for my final divorce hearing, my ex-husband didn't even show up.  The judge took out another order of protection of the next year to follow.

What your experiences with orders of protections?

Did your abuser co-operate with the order?  Did  you think it scared them?

I know my abuser was terrified to end up in jail if he violated the order, so I guess it worked.  He usually thought he was above the law, but this was a great reality check.

ABUSE

Just wanted to share this picture I found on Pinterest, thanks to darkwolf80s.deviantart.com

Your Controlling Me?

No one likes a controlling person.  But in an abusive relationship, this is a big redflag, and a dangerous sign.  Abusers will try and control you, they will try and control everyone.  I feel that people who try to control, usually lack self confildence.  However, when someone with an abusive personality looses their control....bad things happen.....yelling, violence, and lots of rage.

During my abusive marriage, I experienced.....his fist through the wall, throwing items across the room, usually large items.  Threats...all the time, how many times did he threaten to jump out of a moving car???  I have seen my steering wheel of the car, being so bent out shape....it was impossible to drive the car.  Threats of cutting me up into tiny pieces, and mailing me home to my family.

In my particular case, controlling stated out subtle, and then snowballed.  It got to the extent I couldnt go to church, I wasn't allowed to go get groceries (unless I left my daughter at home), he knew I wouldnt leave withour her.

Rage is scary, like someone all of a sudden flipped a switch...and for no apparent reason that I could see.  He would wake up in the middle of the night, and then wake up myself and my daughter.  We would sit on the couch.....????  He would unplug all the phones.....oh his mind was on over-drive, not sure what was going through his head.  We would sit for hours, and he would be in the kichen, doing...not sure what he was doing.

I feared for my life so many times...threats, violence, rage...very sad, but I got out. Had to sneak out of course.  It was hard to plan, but I had to keep my daughter and I safe till the time was right.  Its a very dangerous time leaving, and also after you leave.

Do these abusers change???  Maybe...for a little bit...but I think they will go back to old ways. I think stats say 3% of abusers will change.

So glad to be out of such an unhealtly relationship....things take time.

Be safe, have a safety plan, and get help.  There are many shelters, legal advoctes, and  other resoources out there that are there for you.